”The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out. Every mind is a building filled with archaic furniture. Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it.”

Kirk Out

 

“What we have to do …is to find a way to celebrate our diverstity and debate our differences without fracturing our communities.” - Hillary Clinton

Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common.  Celebrate diversity every day.  - Anonymous

“If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.”  John F. Kennedy

Kirk Out

  “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”  John Wooden, Coach

   “Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.” - Stephen Covey, author 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

   “One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present.  In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present.  ~Stephen Covey, Author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I will always remember being at a meeting where Stephen Covey was asked what could be done to build or rebuild trust after it was lost.  His reply was profoundly simple, he said , “Make a promise and keep it.  It doesn’t matter whether it is big of small..  After you have kept your promise… do it again.”

I promise to send another Covey quote tomorrow. 

Kirk

“A ship, like a human being, moves best when it is slightly athwart the wind, when it has to keep its sails tight and attend its course. Ships, like men, do poorly when the wind is directly behind, pushing them sloppily on their way so that no care is required in steering or in the management of sails; the wind seems favorable, for it blows in the direction one is heading, but actually it is destructive because it induces a relaxation in tension and skill. What is needed is a wind slightly opposed to the ship, for then tension can be maintained, and juices can flow and ideas can germinate, for ships, like men, respond to challenge”
                      James A. Michener (Chesapeake [1978]

  I have a house full of kids, two teenagers and lots of dialogue about life and human behavior.  There have been more than a few discussions about why a large number of people (teens and adults) seem to be so determined to be negative, critical, mean-spirited or just plain unhappy.   Most of us have dealt with these types of people (or may even live with them). 

There are many reasons for these types of negative behaviors and attitudes in others and most of it is out of our control.  At some point with enough love, encouragement and learning these they will hopefully come to a place of self awareness and realize that….

1) Misery is both a choice and the result of certain choices… just like happiness is a choice as well as the result of certain choices.  

2) While they may be the victim of abuse or a myriad of unfair difficult life circumstances…. some of which are occurring right now in their lives…they must still be the ones to change it.

One big challenge is that they may not know how to deal with such adversity having never seen a healthy example so they don’t know how to change things or even hope that things can change.  Another challenge is that they lack any level of awareness of how they come across and how toxic their behavior and language really is.

The list of reasons and possible negative circumstances could go on and on.  But the bottom line in all of it is this.  Their negative attitude, outlook, behavior is not about you.  It’s about them.  Their cynical and sarcastic humor, demeaning and rude comments and insults directed at you or others … reveals only their own unhappiness, insecurity, and the depths of their own misery.  Even when they point out one of your very real flaws or weaknesses… it’s still not about you.  We all have flaws and weakness but when is the last time you saw someone you really respected or admired point them out in someone else?  NEVER.

REMEMBER = Happy, confident, highly successful people are not into making comparisons or being critical of others.  They do not have the need to put anyone down or “in their place”.   When they come across someone who may be in the wrong place they know that putting them down is not the way to get them to a better place…so they instead lift them to that higher place with encouragement …(which I define as caring + coaching).

When people say negative things to you or about you or about others in your presence… remember they are really only revealing their own insecurities, immaturity and misery while they try to create, enlarge or magnify those same negative feelings in others. 

So what do we do….. how do we respond?  Well perhaps the best response it to walk away and not say anything (especially if you can’t think of anything nice to say).  But I have found a line, a single sentence, that has always worked for me … a line that seems to shut them up and get them thinking,(at least long enough for me to walk away).  A line that teaches a simple and undeniable truth and when they process it…it may not change the way they talk about me.  But it has always changed the way they talk to me or in my presence.

When I hear, overhear or am the direct target of a mean-spirited, demeaning or otherwise negative and critical remark…. I reply with something like… “I’ve always been taught and come to believe that we see the world not as it is, but rather, as we ourselves are.”  Then with a kind smile I walk away, leaving them to process what I have just said and perhaps considering what they are actually revealing about themselves. 

I’m not saying everyone “get’s it” or even agrees with it.  But that doesn’t change the truth of it… and truth however wildly unpopular, can be very difficult to argue against.  What I am really suggesting here is that knowing truth, and teaching truth is the best way I have found to help myself and others towards a better place.  Knowing truth can give you both comfort, confidence and courage.  Teaching true principles to others is greatest way to give them those same great gifts.

Well this went on a lot longer than I intended… next week I promise short quotes and no commentary. 

Kirk out

   I suspect most of you readers remember the true story of “Lawn Chair Larry”.  In preparing for a day long workshop next week themed “UP2″  aka “Unleashing Peoples Unlimited Potential” I found myself reviewing this amazing story.  I’ve included the text story below…which details how Larry tied a bunch of weather balloons to his lawn chair with the intent of getting a better view of his neighborhood.

What Larry didn’t expect was that he would ascend to 16,000 feet and drift into the approach corridor for the Long Beach Airport.  A fun line from the story comes from one of the startled pilots who spotted Larry on his approach and radioed the tower, “I’m starting my descent at 16,000 feet and I just passed a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.”

By the time he came down he had gathered much more attention than he intended and wanted.  As you can imagine he was asked many questions by reporters (and the police).  I want to share just 3 of them with you.

Q - Would you do it again?  

Larry - “Probably not.”

Q - Are you glad you did it?

Larry - “Yes!”

Q - Why did you do it?

Larry - “A man can’t just sit around.”

The last question and the last answer are so telling to me.  They remind of a simple truth that we already know… that we are  happiest when we are engaged.  I am not talking about relaxing and having fun we all need to learn how to do this.  I am talking about when I spend too much time not being productive, not adding value, growing myself or helping to grow, improve or serve something greater than myself.  When I do this… I find myself getting irritable.  Larry was inspired by his dream to do something.   Larry’s unintentional SUPER flight & subsequent story inspired many others to once again take pursuit after their own dreams.  Larry is right … you can’t just sit there.

We weren’t made to just sit around…. WE NEED TO DREAM UP, GET UP… and GROW UP! 

 UP UP and Away……in our beautiful balloons!  (isn’t that a song?)

(What follows is a more complete story of “Lawn Chair Larry” for any interested in reading it)

In 1982  “Lawnchair Larry” actually “took off” using helium ballloons. The far-fetched but true story came about because Larry Walters, a California truck driver, had this dream of ascending above ground in a contraption of his own making using helium balloons. What transpired was something that went well beyond his wildest imagination and was to become a legend of sorts!

The contraption that Larry used was to hold him in position while the balloons took him up was a lawn chair! Larry’s intention was to ascend to a modest height of about 40 feet - but the best laid plans sometimes go wrong and he ascended to a height of 16,000 feet! In the process, he caused consternation as he floated into the air corridors of Los Angeles Airport!

Larry had apparently dreamed of flying but his poor eyesight prevented him from joining the Air Force as a pilot. So Larry did the next best thing - he tied himself to a lawn chair and with the aid of helium balloons took off!On July 2, 1982, 33 year old California truck driver Larry Walters, proceeded to his San Pedro backyard and armed with a parachute, a pellet gun, a CB radio, sandwiches in case he got hungry, cold beer so that he could imbibe while enjoying the view and a camera. He strapped himself into his lawn chair and having already attached helium balloons to the chair, his girlfriend and others filled the balloons with helium. The cords holding “Lawnchair Larry” to the ground were cut and he took off!This is where the Larry’s plans went awry. He started ascending much higher than planned. He was wary of using the pellet gun to shoot any of the balloons for fear of becoming unbalanced and falling out of the chair. He continued ascending and soon reached a height of approximately 16,000 feet. He drifted over the city of Long Beach to the amazement of people on the ground watching him. In due course he gradually drifted into the main approach corridor of Long Beach Airport. A startled pilot who radioed the tower, “I’m starting my descent at 16,000 feet and I just passed a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.”

Larry using his CB radio, informed authorities that he was fine and did not need assistance. After being in the air for over an hour he started getting really cold and he started floating towards the Pacific ocean so Larry was faced with a dilemma: either continue drifting towards the ocean or take a chance and start shooting some of the balloons with his pellet gun with a view to bringing it down gradually. He started descending and all seemed well until his pellet gun fell overboard and he drifted into power lines which caused a 20 minute blackout in parts of Long Beach. But Larry finally reached the ground in one piece and wasw none the worse for the experience. A reporter asked him why he had done it and Larry replied, “A man can’t just sit around.”Larry was immediately arrested by the Long Beach Police. Lieut. Rod Mickelson said after he stopped laughing, “I know it sounds strange, but it’s true. The guy just filled up the balloons with helium, strapped on a parachute, grabbed a BB gun and took off.” Authorities were a little baffled about what to charge Larry with. Since he did not have a pilots license they could not suspend him. He was eventually charged with “operating an aircraft within an airport traffic area without proper communication with the control tower”.Dubbed “Lawnchair Larry” by the press who widely covered his story, Larry Walters received some notoriety from adventure. He apperared on “The Tonight Show” and “Late Night with David Letterman”. He made a few appearances as a motivational speaker. He was also featured in a Timex print ad. The Smithsonian asked Larry for his lawn chair to put it on display but Larry had already given it away to an admiring young fan.

When someone once asked him about the flight he said, “It was something I had to do. I had this dream for twenty years, and if I hadn’t done it, I think I would have ended up in the funny farm. I didn’t think that by fulfilling my goal in life - my dream - that I would create such a stir and make people laugh.” He never married and had no children.

 

Visiting on the phone with my parents yesterday just cathing up and Mom slipped this one into the conversation.  “Some people have attitudes like flat tires, and if they don’t change them they are not going to get very far.”  ~ Wanda Weisler

When I was little she motivated me to make my bed, wash behind my ears(sometimes), be nice, bathe and even share my cookies.  Now nearly 46 years later she’s still bringing the heat!  Thanks MOM!

Kirk

I recieved 3 seperate e-mails this morning almost at the exact same moment.  As I read the messages of each they seemed connected. (at least to me)   Perhaps it is because I will be turning 45 in a couple weeks and have long been noticing and acknowledging that the reflection in the bathroom mirror isn’t what it used to be.  :)  My wife claims she likes my more “settled” look?!   

While I am not so sure about looking “settled’… I am sure that I do want to live a life filled with purposeful pursuits, enjoying the bliss, the hardship and the challenging experiences that are the stuff that life is made of… and I want to recommit myself to living more fully each new day.

I invite you to enjoy the quotes… and this fresh new day (and week)

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.  — Will Rogers

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey … delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” - Gordon B. Hinckley

“Time is limited, so I better wake up every morning fresh and know that I have just one chance to live this particular day right, and to string my days together into a life of action, and purpose.”  ~ Lance Armstrong

Time is limited …. so live each moment.  Kirk Out