Without being Disagreeable
I used this picture nearly 2 years ago in a post about the frustating nature of people who seem to disagree with nearly everything … just for the sake of disagreeing. The post and many of your wonderful responses to it can be enjoyed here. http://kirkweisler.com/t4d/2011/12/14/disagreeable-peopledont-be-one/
Today I want to share another of my wife’s favorite quotations on this subject.
Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
I know when I am in the presence of or a conversation with a disagreeable person. They are not fun to work with, live with, or hang out with (generally speaking of course). However when I am the presence of a person who has learned how to disagree without being disagreeable I find it not just tolerable but pleasant. People who have mastered this have mastered much and it is from them that much can be learned.
Let’s face it, being in room full of people that agree with us on everything may be nice for a short period of time, but in the long run, not so much. From that group will we learn to see the world differently? Will we learn to appreciate the differences that we see, understand why they exist and learn to treasure or at least respect the viewpoints that differ from our own?
I don’t want to be surrounded by clones or yes men and women. I don’t need or want everyone to agree with me (though sometimes I think this would be nice). But I also don’t want to around disagreeable people. I don’t mind, however, being around those that disagree without being disagreeable… in fact it is from them that I will most likely learn and grow the most.
Do you disagree?
Kirk out
February 5th, 2013 at 10:55 am
Kirk, you’ve summed my feelings up exactly:
1. I don’t like it when everyone agrees with me.
2. I do like it when someone disagrees and causes me to re-think (in fact I get a bit of a buzz when that happens!)
2. I find it very frustrating when someone disagrees and doesn’t make sense when trying to explain why. This is the person who’s carrying some baggage and is disagreeing for reasons that are not obvious.
BTW - I like the graphic, except I disagree with #1. It’s a clever and true statement that life is the longest “thing” we have, but for me TIME is the most valuable currency we have. It’s so precious because we each have only a limited supply and for most of our lives we have no idea how much is left!
February 5th, 2013 at 11:07 am
I’ve noticed that people who are disagreeable when they disagree often have trouble differentiating between disagreement and disrespect. They feel disrespected when someone disagrees with them. Certainly there are ways of disagreeing that are more respectful than others, and we should always strive to be respectful, but some people will decide to feel disrespected when you disagree with them, no matter how respectful you are. This usually happens with people who have low self-esteem. In these cases it’s important to concentrate on the idea being discussed, and reassure the individual that you are not disrespecting them as a person, just disagreeing with their idea. They may still decide to feel disrespected whenever someone disagrees with them, in which case there is most likely a mental health issue that needs to be addressed.
February 5th, 2013 at 11:16 am
I love Tom’s last sentence!
I know people like that….
February 5th, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Dear Kirk,
I do not wholly agree or disagree, as there are sometime exceptions the cast a shadow over where a line may be drawn. I myself try and see things for what they are, and communicate what I see from as many perspectives as I can imagine, and this can lead to confusing myself and others at times. So for me some people think that I am disagreeing with them at every turn, but what I am trying to establish is an understanding in both ways such that both sides are learning from an experience, in particular that I am walking away with an understanding of the other.
With thanks for all of your good words,
Michael