I have a house full of kids, two teenagers and lots of dialogue about life and human behavior.  There have been more than a few discussions about why a large number of people (teens and adults) seem to be so determined to be negative, critical, mean-spirited or just plain unhappy.   Most of us have dealt with these types of people (or may even live with them). 

There are many reasons for these types of negative behaviors and attitudes in others and most of it is out of our control.  At some point with enough love, encouragement and learning these they will hopefully come to a place of self awareness and realize that….

1) Misery is both a choice and the result of certain choices… just like happiness is a choice as well as the result of certain choices.  

2) While they may be the victim of abuse or a myriad of unfair difficult life circumstances…. some of which are occurring right now in their lives…they must still be the ones to change it.

One big challenge is that they may not know how to deal with such adversity having never seen a healthy example so they don’t know how to change things or even hope that things can change.  Another challenge is that they lack any level of awareness of how they come across and how toxic their behavior and language really is.

The list of reasons and possible negative circumstances could go on and on.  But the bottom line in all of it is this.  Their negative attitude, outlook, behavior is not about you.  It’s about them.  Their cynical and sarcastic humor, demeaning and rude comments and insults directed at you or others … reveals only their own unhappiness, insecurity, and the depths of their own misery.  Even when they point out one of your very real flaws or weaknesses… it’s still not about you.  We all have flaws and weakness but when is the last time you saw someone you really respected or admired point them out in someone else?  NEVER.

REMEMBER = Happy, confident, highly successful people are not into making comparisons or being critical of others.  They do not have the need to put anyone down or “in their place”.   When they come across someone who may be in the wrong place they know that putting them down is not the way to get them to a better place…so they instead lift them to that higher place with encouragement …(which I define as caring + coaching).

When people say negative things to you or about you or about others in your presence… remember they are really only revealing their own insecurities, immaturity and misery while they try to create, enlarge or magnify those same negative feelings in others. 

So what do we do….. how do we respond?  Well perhaps the best response it to walk away and not say anything (especially if you can’t think of anything nice to say).  But I have found a line, a single sentence, that has always worked for me … a line that seems to shut them up and get them thinking,(at least long enough for me to walk away).  A line that teaches a simple and undeniable truth and when they process it…it may not change the way they talk about me.  But it has always changed the way they talk to me or in my presence.

When I hear, overhear or am the direct target of a mean-spirited, demeaning or otherwise negative and critical remark…. I reply with something like… “I’ve always been taught and come to believe that we see the world not as it is, but rather, as we ourselves are.”  Then with a kind smile I walk away, leaving them to process what I have just said and perhaps considering what they are actually revealing about themselves. 

I’m not saying everyone “get’s it” or even agrees with it.  But that doesn’t change the truth of it… and truth however wildly unpopular, can be very difficult to argue against.  What I am really suggesting here is that knowing truth, and teaching truth is the best way I have found to help myself and others towards a better place.  Knowing truth can give you both comfort, confidence and courage.  Teaching true principles to others is greatest way to give them those same great gifts.

Well this went on a lot longer than I intended… next week I promise short quotes and no commentary. 

Kirk out