I feel like I posted this about 6 months ago but couldn’t seem to find it.  It’s too good not to share so forgive me if I double up.  Yesterday’s T4D post prompted one of you to send this to me. (thank you Joy)

When should you pass news on and when should you keep it to yourself?

An old fable has it that a scholar in ancient Baghdad was said to be unusually wise. One day an acquaintance met the great scholar and said, ‘Do you know what I just heard about your friend?’

‘Wait,’ the scholar replied. ‘Before you continue, let me ask a question.

‘Is what you are about to tell me the truth?’

‘I don’t know,’ the man said.

‘All right,’ said the scholar.

‘You don’t know if it’s true. Let me ask another question.’

‘Is what you are about to tell me good?’

‘No, it isn’t!’ the man replied.

‘Then allow me to ask a third question.’

‘Is what you are about to tell useful to me?’ asked the scholar.

‘No, it is not useful,’ said the man.

Then the scholar said, ‘If it may not be true, if it is not good and it is not useful, then why do you want to tell me at all?’

Does your news pass the triple filter test? Ask yourself these questions before you speak: Is what I am about to say the truth? Is it good? And is it useful? If you can answer yes to only two of these questions, be careful about what you pass along. But if what you are about to tell passes all three filters, then it should be told!

My friend Bob Burg has a different approach. ‘Play the ‘Reverse Gossip’ Game,’ he says. ‘See how many nice things you can say behind someone’s back.’

Sounds like a game that everyone wins.

Written by Steve Goodier

Remember my offer in yesterday’s T4D about buying “The Cookie Thief Book” this week.  Any order of any number of that book from www.morebetterbooks.com will be doubled.  1 becomes 2  - or - 50 becomes 100.

Kirk out

As Rebecca was teaching seminary this morning to 16 teenagers I heard her review a principle we have discussed often over the 18 years of our marriage.  We review it of necessity because it is so easy to have opinions and judgments about others without having all the facts. (Can we ever have all of the facts?).

The principle simply stated is this…  “We judge others based on their actions.  But we judge ourselves based on our intent.”  It has been my experience, when I have taken the time to ask, that behind most people’s actions most of time was a noble intent.  It may have been misguided, mis-informed, and by all outward appearances seemed actually cruel, rude or foolish.  But that is not what they thought or intended.

When we are encouraged to give someone the benefit of the doubt… I think we are being asked to consider the possibility of their good intent before we judge the poor result. 

This is perhaps why one of the very first principles Stephen Covey teaches in his wonderful 7 Habits book is “Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood.”  We will never clearly solve a poor result by harping on and obsessing about the poor result.  Only by understanding why, what, and how the contributers were thinking, which includes what they were intending, can we begin to understand where our own instructions and expectations may have played a critical role in the end result.

The wasted energy and frustration that occurs when don’t seek first to understand is immense and would be comical if it weren’t so tragic and damaging to relationships.  We’ve all seen people get so worked up about situations that we thought they might have a heart attack….only to later discover it was not as they had thought.   They almost never put the same amount of energy into apologizing for their temperment and wrong judgement as they did their blow up.   It is one of the reasons why I wrote the “Cookie Thief Book” based on a nearly 100 year old story that illustrates this principle in such a powerful way. 

So today.. and tomorrow….and forever more.  Seek first to understand others intent… it may or may not save your life…but it will almost certainly help to save the relationships in your life. 

While it was not my intent to write this to promote my book a few of you may feel a desire to do so.  So let me offer you this… If anyone chooses to buy any number of Cookie Thief books this week… I will see to it that your order is doubled.  You can order at http://www.morebetterbooks.com/ or to learn more about the book visit http://thecookiethiefbook.com/

Kirk Out

Most of the time the thing that truly holds us back is ourselves. To move forward, onward and upward we need to be willing to not just do new things, but to stop doing old things.  We need to be willing to let go…. 

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.  — Charles Du Bos

 Kirk Out

Now here are a couple of thought leaders I would have never imagined linking together.

At the ITSMF USA conference in Dallas last week a young man and I were talking about “stuff”, and the time we spend doing it, pursuing it and paying for it.  Into our conversation I threw this quote from one my friends overseas… ”Day in and day out what we do is what we become.”   He then responded with a quote that sounded like something I had heard Dr. Stephen Covey say and said as much.  He said, no…not Stephen Covey…Stephen King!!

The quote from King was paraphrased …but essentially said…. “No one on their deathbed will wish they had spent more time instant messaging or on facebook.” 

The original Covey quote is similar…”No one on their deathbed will wish they had spent more time at the office.”

Absolutely worthwhile is the entire artcile written by Stephen King called, “My Screen Addiction“  http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20293300,00.html 

Covey also taught…  “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.”

  I know I would never want my children to respond to the question “Where’s your Dad?” with …. “He’s always on his computer.“  It may be time for me, and perhaps you to courageously do what Stephen King did and see if we need to make a choice and make a change.

Kirk Out

I occasionally read a blog written by Michael Hyatt … I have come to greatly appreciate his perspective and to value his thoughtful wisdom.  This one was especially meaningful to me and so I wanted to share it with you.  Here is a link directly to his blog.  I promise you it will be worth the click.  :)  http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/09/leadership-and-the-law-of-replication.html

Make it a great weekend…. and remember you may be being replicated!!

Kirk Out

Dear friend Angelica King shared this with me today… love it and want you guys to have it.

Kirk here is the Mother Theresa quote:

‘May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.’   Regards, Angelica

My day has been filled with kind words from others…. I can’t tell you how wonderful I feel.  I’m so grateful for people taking a moment to speak virtue into my world.  Kind words can be such a gift.   A dear friend from the UK ,Lynne Nash sent these kind words a couple years ago.  I really liked them and hope you do as well.  Their called “Instructions fo FOR A WONDERFUL, FULFILLING LIFE ”

Day by day, what yo do is what you become…

Thank you Lynne

The Need to Be Both a Manager and a Coach

You hear a lot nowadays about how managers are supposed to be both coaches and managers. Rachael Lewis, an executive coach, says that “The manager who is skillful in both not only has more tools to work with, but also discerns when coaching is needed and when managing is required.”  But what do these words–managing and coaching–really mean? Lewis gives her definition:
-Managers set goals and define the parameters for success.
-Coaches help employees figure out how they will accomplish the goals.

-Managers design roles and hire employees.
-Coaches know each individual’s style, strengths and desire for growth.
 

-Managers might say: You work for me.
-Coaches might say: How can I help?

-Managers delegate responsibility and authority.
-Coaches help people translate skills from old experiences to new experiences.
 

-Managers communicate clear expectations for performance and consequences of non-performance.
-Coaches help employees reach their full potential and find new strategies when old strategies no longer work.
 

-Managers show the direction the company is going.
-Coaches build team esteem and inspire individuals to want to achieve great results.
 

-Managers do the thinking.
-Coaches foster entrepreneurial thinking.
 

-Managers hire trainers for training.
-Coaches promote just-in-time and ongoing learning.
 

-Managers focus on tasks.
-Coaches focus on developing employees.

-Managers manage for results.
-Coaches develop the strengths of employees.
 

-Managers address crises.
-Coaches develop team collaboration and planning.

I’ve always said it this way….  

“To achieve what they desire, Managers seek to require….coaches seek to inspire”  ~ Kirk Weisler

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER-

I WOULD HAVE TALKED LESS AND LISTENED MORE, I WOULD HAVE INVITED FRIENDS OVER FOR DINNER EVEN THOUGH THE CARPET WAS STAINED AND THE SOFA WAS FADED.  I WOULD HAVE BURNED THE PINK CANDLE SHAPED LIKE A ROSE BEFORE IT MELTED IN STORAGE.  I WOULD HAVE CRIED AND LAUGHED LESS WHILE WATCHING TELEVISION AND DONE MORE WHILE WATCHING LIFE.

BUT MOSTLY, GIVEN ANOTHER SHOT AT LIFE, I WOULD SEIZE EACH MOMENT, EACH OPPORTUNITY, LOOK AT IT AND REALLY LIVE IT, AND NEVER GIVE IT BACK. - Erma Bombeck

Well we don’t have our lives to live over… but we do have them to live now.  And might I suggest that living lives to make ourselves happy won’t bring nearly has much happiness as living our lives to help others experience happiness will.  So as you live your life, and sieze your moments and opportunities… do all you can to ensure that they are moments and opportunities of service to your fellow man, your family and your friends.  The people you serve and light your candle for will light up your life in a way that will never grow dim.

Enjoy your Weekend… and light the candle.

Kirk Out

THE TOP 10 INDICATORS THAT THE ECONOMY IS BAD

10. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
9. You get a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
8. You buy a toaster oven and they give you a bank.
7. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
6. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.
4. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
3. Motel 6 won’t leave the lights on.
2. The Mafia is laying off judges.
1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Remember just because things are bad….you don’t have to be! 

Kirk