I have been a long time fan of the book QBQ - “the Question Behind the Question”.   Friend Doug Coco subscribes to their weekly e-mail and forwarded this great piece to me….well to us!  :)  ENJOY  ~ KIRK

Ending the Blame Begins With … Me.

by Kristin E. Lindeen
“The QBQ! Daughter”

Have you ever made a mistake? Dropped the ball? Caused a problem? I have. And I hate it when that happens.

Before joining QBQ, Inc., I served as a university academic advisor helping incoming students pick their classes. Jessica, a co-worker, and I counseled one new student, a single mom with two little ones who was hesitant about attending college. The three of us worked closely to set a schedule that worked for her. But on the first day of school, it turned out that she’d been put in the wrong class-wrong subject, wrong time, wrong location. Bad news for an incoming student. Especially, a busy mom.

Well, we all huddled and after some creative scheduling, the problem was solved. The student-our customer, my customer-was happy.

So, feeling personally accountable, I did a postmortem to see what went wrong and what I could learn from it. I tried to ask all the right questions of myself-I mean, after all, I was raised on QBQ!

“What could I have done to clarify?”
“How could I have made sure to follow up?”
“What can I do to be more careful in the future?”

Later, I wandered into Jessica’s office and started sharing about the whole mess. But while I talked, Jessica was only … nodding! My frustration began to build. You see, to be truthful, I was accepting my responsibility for the problem, and rightly so. Yet, what I really, really wanted my co-worker to say was, “Well, Kristin, I could have done more, too.” When it got right down to it, I would’ve happily agreed to take, say, 70% of the blame, but she could and should take 30%. In fact, I would’ve negotiated to 80/20 if she’d wanted to. I just needed her to state I am accountable, too!

Has this ever happened to you? You’re asking the right questions, admitting to your involvement in a problem, practicing PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!!!, but no one else is owning up to their part!? It’s not an easy position to be in. Honestly, as I was telling her, “I could have done this or that differently…” I wanted to scream out, “And you, Jessica, could have done something differently and it’d be really super for you to admit it!!”  What’s ironic, is this coworker even had the QBQ! book sitting on her desk.

That was the day I realized that practicing personal accountability by using The Question Behind the Question is a choice-MY CHOICE-and not one that I can force others to make. In her office, I suppose I could’ve asked Jessica to read the QBQ! book again, but that probably would not have enhanced our working relationship. Personal accountability is just that: personal. I can’t make someone else be accountable. My job is to eliminate blame from my life.

Since I became a QBQ, Inc. team member and began speaking and conducting workshops on my dad’s (John Miller) material, I have learned that organizations struggle mightily with this blame thing-what it looks like, why it happens, what its costs are, and how to stop it. There’s even a bit of confusion about blame. Some recent client statements:

• Our executives actually like to ask “Who dropped the ball!?” because they feel it keeps individuals from hiding behind systems and processes.
• So, blame creates fear? What’s wrong with that; isn’t fear a motivator?
• As a manager, why shouldn’t I blame my staff … they’re the ones not reaching their goals?
• OK, I know I shouldn’t blame others, but does that mean I should take all the blame all the time?

I believe in simple, so let me simply quote the QBQ! book: Accountable people don’t blame anyone. Not even themselves.

It’s true, solving problems, excelling in our work, building relationships, and reaching goals are all driven by introspection, humility, continuous learning, passion, accountability, and hard work. Never finger-pointing, accusations, recrimination, and blame. Let’s call it quits on The Blame Game today. We can do better. Are you with me 100%?

If not, that’s okay-it begins with me.

Kristin Lindeen
QBQ! Speaker/facilitator
Kristin@QBQ.com
http://www.qbq.com/
Denver, CO

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.”

William James
1842-1910, Psychologist, Professor and Author