OK, last day of the week… a wonderful week that has been dedicated to me sharing thoughts, ideas and stories from one of my favorite books Beyond Illusions.  Yesterday someone sent me a link to an online video of the author and speaker Brad Barton which I was unaware of previously.  It’s a fun clip and in it he shares shortened versions of some of the stories in the book.  TO view it click HERE.

Let’s end the week with even more content from Beyond Illusions … the Magical Power of Positive Perception.  (And thank you all for all of your blog responses and e-mails this week.)

il-lu-sion [i-loo-zhun] - noun

• 1. An erroneous concept or belief.

• 2. An erroneous perception of reality.

• 3. Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.

• 4. Psychology. A perception that represents what is perceived in a way different from the way it is in reality.*

Believe in magic.  Not rabbits coming out of hats magic, but real magic - magic that comes out of challenging our interpretations of reality and exercising our power to choose a perspective that creates more options than might first appear.  ~ Brad Barton

This requires our accepting the idea that our immediate interpretations of our circumstances may not be accurate.  Are you open to the idea that your interpretations of every day ordinary circumstances - even apparent disasters - are probably inaccurate and therefore limiting?  If so, you open yourself to wonderful possibilities based on the fact that a situation - even a very disastrous situation - could be your finest hour.  ~ Brad Barton

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.  — Albert Szent-Györgyi

for more about Brad http://bradbartonspeaks.com/

Or to purchase your own copy of his book go to http://www.morebetterbooks.com/

The last few days of T4D’s about the power of positive perception taken from Beyond Illusions have brought lots of wonderful and insightful comments from you guys.  One from Daniel of ”Down Under” of Australia was especially relevant.  He references a posible solution for those in our lives who are are in a miserable state…and unwilling to change.  He says the solution may be a wet fish??  Daniel writes….

Kirk,

James Allen opined that people “…are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they there-fore remain bound.” has gone straight into my favourites…

No doubt you have heard as often, most likely far more than me, when speaking to someone who is in need of an attitude transfusion and encouraging them to read a few good books…they respond,  “Oh but I’m not like that, I’m not like you, I’m not into that positive stuff”. It’s times like this I wish I was carrying a *wet fish in my pocket, I’m sure just a gentle slap would do it, to assist in their understanding that maybe they need to read to become ‘like that’ themselves. Attitudes aren’t born, they are constructed over time with diligence and application.

cheers, Daniel  (*No fish were harmed in the creation of this comment)

Don’t know about the rest of you ….but tomorrow in my effort to inspire some of my miserable co-workers to be less miserable…. Ill be bringing a wet fish to work.  Thanks Daniel !   :) ~ Kirk Out

Anaïs Nin said, “People don’t live life as it is, they live life as they are” - as they perceive life through the filter of their perceptions, which are based on their attitudes, assumptions, even their expectations. Perceptions aren’t just thoughts, they are a special kind of thought. Perceptions are the meanings, the interpretations, placed on our experiences - the things we see, hear, taste, touch, think and feel.  Perceptions - the way we interpret facts - control our circumstances and, ultimately, our reality.

James Allen opined that people “…are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they there-fore remain bound.”

That is pretty heady stuff!  What binds us?  Our current perception of reality.  Lucky for us, perceptions can change.  Once they change, reality does too.  Remember, change can be positive or negative, constructive or destructive.  It can all start with one small event. 

We’ve just read another excellence excerpt from the book Beyond Illusions.  I know it’s the 3rd day in a row…but hey, I just love this book!

What follows is the testimony of a recent reader!

I got a copy of Brad’s book; it is simply enchanting. I highly recommend it to everyone. Brad’s conversational style of writing makes for an easy read. You will enjoy Brad’s wit and wisdom; he’ll make you laugh and cry.

I have read Brad’s book many times and I always come away with a new insight that has enriched my life. The book is also full of wonderful quotes-many are Brad’s and they never fail to inspire.

One of my favorite chapters and concepts is Aubrey’s (one of Brad’s daughters) “Poisonberry Perspective” on page 35. What a wonderful insight that Brad gained from his daughter; I think of this concept frequently and it has improved my relationship with everyone I come in contact with.

I could go on and on about the wonderful insights and lessons Brad’s book offers. But my advice is to get a copy for yourself and a few extra copies for friends and associates. Yes, it’s that good; you’re gonna want to share it! ~ Tom Yates

The response to yesterday’s T4D excerpt from Brad Barton’s wonderful book “Beyond Illusions” was tremendous.  One readers comment will follow today’s shorter excerpt from this same wonderful book.

(Beyond Illusions p41 - from perhaps my favorite chapter titled “It was SNOT a Bad Deal)   Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so.”  I suggest similarly that there is nothing good or bad but perception makes it so - and if I decide that a ‘bad’ situation is actually in some way ‘good’ - then it is.  Real magic is our ability to change.  To turn a bad deal into a good deal simply by changing the way we look at it.  That is the power of positive perception; and it is powerful magic. 

I didn’t intentionally choose my new perception.  Life handed it to me as a gift, and I accepted.  I would never have consciously decided to change my perception about getting slobbered on.  I certainly never would have thought it a “gift”!  However, when it happened, I accepted it and my life was made richer for it.  If life has the power to do this by chance, isn’t it possible for you and I to do it on purpose? 

Stephen Covey says it this way, “It isn’t what happens to us that affects our behavior.  It is our interpretation of what happens to us.  And when we can learn to get a better paradigm - get to a different level of thinking - then we are on the road to significant improvement.”  He calls this the essence of self-determination.

I call it the Power of Positive Perception. 

T4D reader Tom Yates left this comment yesterday about Brad’s book, Beyond Illusions.

I got a copy of Brad’s book; it is simply enchanting. I highly recommend it to everyone. Brad’s conversational style of writing makes for an easy read. You will enjoy Brad’s wit and wisdom; he’ll make you laugh and cry.

I have read Brad’s book many times and I always come away with a new insight that has enriched my life. The book is also full of wonderful quotes–many are Brad’s and they never fail to inspire.

One of my favorite chapters and concepts is Aubrey’s (one of Brad’s daughters) “Poisonberry Perspective” on page 35. What a wonderful insight that Brad gained from his daughter; I think of this concept frequently and it has improved my relationship with everyone I come in contact with.

I could go on and on about the wonderful insights and lessons Brad’s book offers. But my advice is to get a copy for yourself and a few extra copies for friends and associates. Yes, it’s that good; you’re gonna want to share it! ~ Tom Yates

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   There is nothing good or bad  but perception makes it so.

Nearly a month ago I referenced a favorite book of mine titled “Beyond Illusions” The Magic of Positive Perception authored by Brad Barton.  I said that day that I would share more about the book later.  It’s now later! 

Brad is a fellow speaker, a master magician, gifted storyteller, bee keeper, and good friend.  Nearly 2 years ago he asked if I would read the draft of this book and offer feedback on it.  My feedback was, print it and sell me the first 200 copies so I can give them away to all my clients.  I use it as a tool to help create awareness, inspire ownership and personal accountability in individuals and teams.   I often read directly from Beyond Illusions during many of my keynotes and training sessions… typically that is the portion of my programs where I get the biggest laughs and ah ha moments.  And there have been occasions where after reading just 2 pages from his book at my sessions…his book outsold mine afterwards! 

It’s a wonderful book and for the next week, perhaps two… the content of the T4D “Thought 4 the Day” will be pulled from it’s wonderful pages.  I have asked and Brad has agreed to make the book available for purchase at http://www.morebetterbooks.com/. 

The followingt story from the book… will give you a great feeling for the style and content. (FUN STUFF)

A Weighty Matter  - The Art of Guided Perception

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.          — Mark Twain

Have you ever created disaster out of nothing but perception? Ever created a ‘reality’ that wasn’t ‘real’ even though your ‘facts’ were just as ‘true’ as your interpretation of them - then tried to prove that your disastrous interpretation was true? Confused? Read on…

My young friend, Heidi, went to a department store to buy a specific type of knit uniform pants required for her new job.  She tried on the poorly tailored, tight-fitting, polyester pants, stood in front of the three piece mirror and, to her horror, realized the awful pants made her look fat.  In the changing room, she grimly considered her options.  Heidi really needed her job, and the pants were a sad requirement; so, she reluctantly took the pants to the cashier.

It was mid-December and the store was bustling with Christmas shoppers.  In front of the line was an elderly woman asking about a tailored jacket for her granddaughter.

Must be a size 3!  Heidi thought, as she watched the sales clerk hold it up admiringly.

Next, two teenagers faced a dilemma about which outfit would look best at their upcoming party and dance recital.  Heidi tried to smile at them. They look absolutely anorexic, she thought, as she looked down at the polyester pants she was about to purchase.  You’d think they’d make some effort to pick a uniform that looked good on everyone.

The lengthy wait became more difficult as she observed each thin attractive customer, carrying equally beautiful clothes - not ugly ones like the stupid knit pants Heidi was forced to buy.  There were three cash registers, but only one clerk, and she looked exhausted, but slim and attractive in a blue, belted, shirt-dress, which accentuated her waist and made her look authoritative and businesslike.

She’s probably the department manager, or at least on her way up the ladder, Heidi thought.

She found herself analyzing every man, woman and child in the store during that twenty minute trek to the check out.  They all appeared to possess possibilities Heidi lacked.  They seemed more educated, more talented, more attractive, more self-confident and slimmer than Heidi.  Finally, there was only one person before her turn to be helped.  Heidi’s torment was almost over when it got even worse.

A handsome young man, about her own age, opened another register as the first clerk said, “I’m sorry.  It will just be a couple of minutes while Jim gets his register going.” And she locked her drawer and walked away.

Two more minutes?  As if that wasn’t enough, she would be served by a handsome young man with dark penetrating eyes and a smile that could sell anything on the floor. Heidi laid the pants over her arm and started fumbling through her purse for her checkbook so the transaction wouldn’t take any longer than necessary.  I think I’m going to be sick.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” came the clerk’s friendly, tenor voice.

Suddenly, Heidi saw herself standing in front of that three-way mirror again in the ugly pants.  The FAT pants.  I’m fat.  I’m fat.  I’m fat!  was all she could think.

The clerk leaned toward her, apologetically, “I am so sorry about your weight.”

Heidi threw the pants at the startled clerk, burst into tears, and ran from the store.  Halfway home, still sobbing, she suddenly realized what the sales clerk meant.  He was not criticizing her weight; he was sincerely apologizing for her twenty-minute wait!

Have you ever done what Heidi did?  Created a disaster out of nothing but misguided perception?  Have you ever taken offense at a co-worker’s comment and worked it up in your mind to the level of an in-office Hiroshima?  Did you end up feeling embarrassed?  Worse, you may have never found out that the offending party was actually innocent and well-intended.

Often, people let such incidents smolder until they fade into the background noise of why they never liked that person in the first place.  Have you ever negatively interpreted a comment or a look from your spouse or significant other, and then shot back an emotionally charged reaction and created the very conflict your misguided perception anticipated? Many of our negative experiences and feelings are of our own making.  Our perceptions and interpretations powerfully influence our responses and reactions.  All too often, they create the very thing - the very reality - we fear out of (drumroll please) absolutely nothing.

You see what amazing wizards we are?  We have the power to create our own reality - beautiful or ugly - out of nothing more than perception.  The question is, if our perceptions and interpretations can create disaster - or the illusion of disaster - can the same power magically create a new positive reality of beauty, opportunity, or even great humor out of the same circumstance?  If you can create your own reality, you can create fortune out of misfortune, opportunity out of failure, possibility out of stagnation, and self- fulfillment out of emptiness.  How?  By simply looking at it differently.

You can magically change your life by changing how you perceive events and how you see yourself.  This is what I call: “The Art of Guided Perception.”

To Read the t4d where I first referenced Bard’s Magical book. Click Here

A year of ease and pleasure will never come close to teaching us and helping us grow as much as single day of adversity and sorrow.   Here is a wonderful piece that illustrates this principle.

I walked a mile with Pleasure, She chattered all the way; But left me none the wiser, For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow And ne’er a word said she; But, oh, the things I learned from her When Sorrow walked with me!
~ Robert Browning Hamilton

Those who turn good (organizations) into great (organizations) are motivated by a deep creative urge and an inner compulsion for sheer unadulterated excellence for its own sake.   — Jim Collins, author of “Good to Great”

No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.    At the same time, it is often within your power to make them better - Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture

Almost since the book was released I have been recommending Crucial Conversations to business clients and personal friends.  The subtitle “tools for talking when the stakes are high” gives a good hint as to the books content.  In Jim Collins book, Good to Great, he described that one key cultural attribute of companies that were able to make the leap from Good to Great was that of being able to “confront the brutally honest facts” a.k.a. Crucial Conversations.  What Jim Collins didn’t do in his book was tell you how to grow your organizations ability to do so.  Crucial Conversations from Vital Smarts does.

After 2 plus years of recommending this book I was finally able to arrange my schedule and resources so that I could attend their 2 day workshop…which was fantastic.  Today’s T4D comes from Vital Smarts weekly newsletter.  It’s good stuff and I’ll provide the links below where you can subscribe yourself…for FREE!!

 Free Resources from Vital Smarts click HERE or use this URL http://vitalsmarts.com/myresources.aspx

Quote of the Week = “The degree of one’s emotions varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts.” - Bertrand Russell

DON’T BLAME THE SPOUSE (excerpt from Newsletter - It’s Good)

Dear Crucial Conversations,

What do I do if a team member blames a family member for problems?

We have someone who is on flex time to help with child care. A number of times he cancelled meetings at the last minute, saying something along the lines of “my wife had to go to work and had a meeting that lasted several hours longer than expected, so I have to take care of children and cannot make it.”

What do I do in this situation? The schedule changes disrupt my plans and sometimes result in delays if I cannot re-schedule the meeting for several days. But I cannot tell someone how to deal with their spouse. Also, I can’t hold my team member accountable for his wife failing to live up to her commitments.

Thanks,
All in the family

response -

Dear All in the family,

You’re absolutely right. You can’t tell someone how to deal with his or her spouse. And the spouse is not the problem. You’ve fallen into a very common trap of allowing someone to change the subject of your crucial confrontation.

Your issue is not his spouse. It is him. It is your team member’s responsibility to find a way to keep his commitments. Period. And when you allow his explanations to turn into excuses, you are the problem, not him.

Frequently leaders with the best of intentions think that showing concern for someone’s challenges means they become slack on accountability. This is a sucker’s choice. Your job as a leader is to expect people to keep their commitments and to demonstrate a willingness to help them if they are trying to find a way to solve problems. But don’t let your willingness to help turn into weakness in accountability.

Even when you have a flex time arrangement with an employee, it is the employee’s job to keep the agreements they make within his flexible schedule. “Flex time” does not mean “any time.” You should have clear expectations about the boundaries of flexibility and hold your people accountable to working within those boundaries. The flip side of flexibility is responsibility. Flex time does not work if employees are not scrupulously responsible to the agreements they make when taking advantage of it.

Here’s how the conversation should sound when this pattern occurs:

Employee: “Boss, I’m so sorry I didn’t make it to the meeting this morning. My wife took my car for an urgent work issue and I had to arrange alternative transportation at the last minute.”

You: “I’m sorry things were so hectic for you this morning. Sounds like it’s been a stressful one. And I want to do all I can to accommodate the unpredictability you face. And yet a pattern is emerging that I need you to help me figure out.”

Employee: “What’s that?”

You: “In the past month we’ve had six scheduled meetings that you’ve missed-all for valid reasons given your family complexities.”

Employee: “Yes-I’ve told you about all of those problems.”

You: “Yes, you have.  And as a result of your frequent absence at the last minute, we’ve stopped trusting that you are able to keep your commitments. That’s undermined trust in our team and created a lot of rework for myself and others. We’re at the point that we don’t want to count on you anymore. Not because you aren’t a great team player or don’t make a contribution when you’re here, but because you seem unable to keep commitments due to family challenges. I don’t think that’s fair to the team, and I need to find a way to function better given your unpredictable schedule. What do you suggest?”

From here the conversation is on the right topic. Now, I don’t know that there’s anything magical about these words. What I’m trying to demonstrate is how you can show sympathy for your colleague’s challenges without allowing your sympathy to shift the problem to you. It is not your problem, it is his.

Show him respect. Be understanding. But expect him to do the work he’s being paid for. Anything less than that is dishonoring his personal responsibility and makes you an enabler of his unfair treatment of your team and organization.

I know those words may be hard to hear-but I hope the ethical clarity helps you find your way forward in this tricky situation.

Best wishes,
Joseph

I recently had a close friend take a job at Vital Smarts - if you decide to seek training or materials tell him Kirk Weisler said to give you a discount…and hey, he just might do it!  His name is Lance Garvin (801) 724-6338 lgarvin@vitalsmarts.com

 Friendship with oneself is very important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.  –Eleanor Roosevelt

What do we need from a friend? Let’s think about that for a moment and see if it applies to how we treat ourselves.

Let’s start with the basics: A friend is for us, not against us. That means a friend won’t do anything to harm us if he or she can possibly help it. A friend is there for us when we need understanding, tells us the truth, and does the things he or she promises to do. A friend likes to be around us, thinks we are a good person, and believe we are honest. A friend shares what is going on in his or her life and cares about what is going on in ours. A friend does things to help us feel happy. A friend forgives us when we ask for forgiveness.

We do these things for our friends.  . But do we do them for ourselves? It’s a question worth thinking about: Am I a good friend to myself?