Your apology, and the insight of some of your other readers, reminds me of a topic discussed the other day in my men’s group: forgiveness. We discussed how it’s often easier to forgive transgressions from people we’re not close to, than from the people we hold dear. One guy suggested it’s because we hold our loved ones to higher expectations than strangers - an inciteful observation. Another friend recounted a hurtful word from a family member, regarding the death of a loved one and delivered in a heated moment. Though it was many many years ago, he still has trouble letting it go, and it clouds his emotions when she’s around.

To that I suggest that we have to look at the whole person, our entire experience of their character, behavior and attitudes, and ask ourselves, “In light of who I know this person to be, does this incident fit the picture?” If it is, well, I shouldn’t be surprised when they do something hurtful — I’ve seen it before, I’ll probably see it again (if I choose to stay close to that person.) But if not, then I have an obligation to my friend, and to our relationship, to give that person the benefit of the doubt. As Crucial Conversations calls it, ‘to change my story’. When I can do that, I find I can forgive more easily.

Take heart, my friend, here’s your silver lining: we love you that much. I respect the opinions of your detractors, as I know you do, too, and I would never say they’re off-base. But I think (for many, probably not all) that their hurt and sense of betrayal is a sign of how close they feel to you, that you are dear to them. To wit, you and I have never met in person (and I suspect that’s the case with the majority of your readers,) but I count you as a close confidant and mentor, because of what you’ve given of yourself.
(Fade out to the music of Spike Jones, with apologies… “You’re always hurt/by the ones you love/the one you shouldn’t be hurt by at all….”)

Love ya,
Jim

I am obese, but have found a group of smart friends who all realize that we have to get our weight under control if we want to have a long fruitful life.

The fact that people would be offended by your comments completely blew me away.

If you are offended by this article, you should really do something about your weight, not take it out on others. Get a life, get a sense of humor.

Hang in there. I look forward to reading your messages daily and I find them enlightening. Your message titled “obesity & stupidity” contained a lot of what I consider COMMON SENSE - but as you know, some people don’t want to be reminded negative topics, even if they are also obvious facts. I assume that overweight people weren’t pleased by the message because they probably took it as a threat that you were driving their friends away. Conversely, they could have construed what you said as, “if you choose to hang around with people who are fit, you may increase your chances of becoming fit yourself.”

Regardless, your message was plain and simple… and not at all surprising. As they say… the truth hurts… so it is inevitable to step on someone’s toes when a topic like that comes up.

Just wanted to send you my support. You remind me a lot of a friend that I met overseas 10+ years ago, and still loosely keep in contact with. Its a breath of fresh air to get messages from him - as he is continually the optimist and sees challenges as opportunities, similar to your outlook on life. I try to surround myself by as many people like this as possible, because often I need a little push to improve my attitude.

Take care,
Jenny

Deb
Technology Management
ITIL Support Systems

I did pick up on the context behind the statements, especially in the second email. Believe me I’ve had my foot in my mouth more than once, and if I had been in the right frame of mind I, too, probably wouldn’t have thought it was an attack. Anyway, all is well, and I am still a respectful reader. Again, thank you for taking the time to address me.
Teresa

jason